Annual Exing.

Christmas is upon us once again … unfortunately.

We are of the opinion that Christmas is completely superfluous to modern life. We all feed our gluttonous desires constantly anyway with endless unnecessary additions to our collections of … stuff. Agreed, sometimes it can feel festive to play good Samaritan and go to midnight mass waving those creepy decorated orange things around and letting religious men get way too close to your infant relatives. But the fire-hazard factor of fairy lights, the absurd amount of calories you are expected to consume in one sitting and the godforsaken racket of Christmas carols is enough to make you want to sedate yourselves for a 4 day period; from the 23rd of December to the 27th.

Do we really need the dreaded x once yearly?

The number of family arguments that could be averted if Christmas was not a regular feature on the calendar is phenomenal. If say, Christmas was every 3 or 5 years surely we would look forward to it much more? Indeed, different contingents of the family could bid for the hosting of the event, kind of like the Olympics or something. That way you could make sure you had an epic day with a point of difference, rather than the routine, ‘let’s just go here because they always do it and we’re kind of used to the dry turkey and lumpy gravy’.

The sporadic celebration of Christmas is definitely a concept we are considering imposing on our spawn, if we ever have any …

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