Pill popping, furniture shopping.

There is nothing more frustrating than a fruitless shopping trip.

Fabulous people, like ourselves, tend to distract from the general w-bees who browse item by item, store by store and street by street. We are impatient trendsetters with desperately important fashion agendas. We need instant gratification. If I catch a pair of Vintage 1461 Doc Martens on display, the US size 7's will be mine faster than 'one Mississipi'. But knowing my luck, there'd probably be some random frigid consumer hor with size 7 feet (and bad teeth) trying to steal them from their rightful owner - me.

Wardrobe wise: I get what I want, when I want. No 'coitus'-ing about.

There are a few things that can wreck a successful shopping trip.

_Smokers. My disdain (that borders on a hatred) of smokers has nothing to do with my desire for a nanny state or for social controls to stop smokers from smoking. I really don't give an eff if people wish to smoke and harm themselves, but the problem is that the smoke is in my face. I really don't want to develop lung cancer while releasing endorphins in the shape of hund dollar bills, you thoughtless piece of cancer.

_Screaming, biting children.

_Parents of these screaming, biting children. Next time you and your dropkick partner get busy in the bedroom, use a 'dom. Honestly. If I ever reproduce, my offspring will be like one of those Ralph Lauren child models, tamed and mysterious.

_People that carry their little ratdogs around. Not only is it w-bee, but brainless. For chrissakes, leave your merde-dropping dogs in a cage, at home, where they belong

_Bringing friends that don't share your taste in vogue. It's already enough work dodging the lower end, vanilla version of the Vivienne Westwood carrot pants, let alone trying to satisfy someone who's only fashion aspiration is to look like a black rapper.

One final tip - When you feel you may have gone overboard, have 5 plus bags from various different shops and are struggling to carry all your purchases think about the actual weight you’re carrying – this is toning your arms. The more you shop the less likely you are to have butter wings. Remember there is always a way to justify unnecessary and exorbitant purchases.

*** A note to the wise. You're not as original as you deem to be and you know it. The thing you call your blog is what I use to wipe my ass.

1 commentaire:

Anonyme a dit…

lovely blog. just blog hopping.