Howling our pants off (Barking Mad)

The nation's howling their pants off (in haughty derision).

Jac5 underwear will cure its wearer of obstipation and hemmorhoids. **See terms and conditions.

Just… no.

With every nation’s stocks plummeting down Satan’s pit of fiery greed, why would we need a new brand of luxury underwear? From Calvin Klein to Armani, Abercrombie & (B)itch to Ralph Lauren, and Victoria’s Secret back to … Calvin Klein, consumers don’t need to delegate their privates to another ‘up and coming’ bitch of a brand.

Has not the ‘age-old problems of itchy waistbands, uncomfortable fits, mediocre manufacturing, and products with a short life-span and no sex appeal’ already been resolved? Rhetorical - James Tudor already has. It is with no doubt pretentious for an ‘expanding’ (cheers to that, bitch), Asian brand to label their goods as key essential. Key essential is any ol’ Prada belt.

Side note: Uncle Tudor, if your Ad Researchers happen to stumble across this endearing commentary and decide to join The Force (oh Star Wars, how I’ve neglected you since I grew my first pube), I’d gladly receive a pair of those Sky Fall Front Briefs, hey.

“Kids ruin everything, I mean look at the stitching on this jacket” (Karen Walker, Will & Grace) – in this case, an overpriced pair of non-designer, boxer briefs.

So children, instead of buying a pair of Jac5’s, jack off instead! It’s free and probably won’t give you cancer.

But if you do have $40 to squander and have an aversion to looking like a republican, try a pair of these colorfully designed/colorful designer undies! They’re fab, they’re fresh, they’re barking mad.

**Terms and conditions: Wearer must be a mannequin. Just kidding. Jac5 is an actual brand featuring quirky and fashionable men’s luxury underwear, coming in a variety of neon colours, bone mosaic prints and bold waistbands. Anyone with an ounce of humour and creativity would recognize this blog post as a humourous elaboration of the brand's slogan - 'Luxury men’s underwear with a sense of humour'. If you're intelligent, buy a pair already. FREE INTERNATIONAL SHIPPING, GUYS. Jimmy A. Christopher, we’re still friends, right?